LOVE the Air Force

Gah people are going to stop reading my moody ranty post lol

Today I am thankful for my military life. Fellow military spouses have you said that lately? I'm so proud of my husband... and brother in law... and uncle... and cousin... and countless friends... for serving in the military... For being selfless enough to leave their homes to serve others... For putting their life on the line. I thought about joining several times... I think I would thrive in the military (cough cough >stickler for rules < cough) but I could never bear the thought of leaving our kids to even go through basic.

And heres the rant....

I cant believe how many "woman" BITCH about how they hate the military... How its RUINED their life... Hunny your husband CHOOSE to join... and by marring him... you signed up for the Silent Ranks. Not saying you have to be gong ho Military Wifey, involved in everything... but by damn you better support your husband... When you bitch moan and cry over something thats going to bring him down too...

My brother in law has one of the most dangerous jobs in the Air Force... Hes been injured more times than I probably care to know... But not ONCE have I heard him or his wife complain about it... He has missed half of his daughters life... But has never complained. He is proud to serve his country and I think most guys are. But yet get on facebook and you see the WIVES saying the Air Froce ruined their life and people agreeing? Seriously? Did you loose a leg? Did you loose your spouse? No? Then stfu! Do I miss my husband? Oh yeah. Everyday. But I'm not angry that hes gone... I just MISS him. Am I sad that he will miss Ryleis birthday? OH yeah... but I'm not bitter?

Just like when we wherent going to get paid... I saw "Well my husband isnt going to work" Oh really? Your that dumb?

"Military Yard Sign Being Sued"

Okay I'm sure I'm going to piss a ton of people off with this... But my blog ... my opinion...

Theres been a lot of stir on my facebook page about the poor family who is being sued because they have a sign in their yard. Its a lovely sign for their deployed son.

I am a FIRM believer in following rules. Makes life easier right? If you live in a neighborhood that has a Home Owners Association you sign an agreement... Normally this agreement.. This CONTRACT has rules that most people whole heartily agree too... Could be keeping your yard trimmed nicely... No tacky Christmas stuff... No signs.

This family AGREED to this condition. Just because your son is serving our country does not make you above the contract and everyone else in the neighborhood. The family claims others have signs in their yards. Okay.. Counter sue on that then. Make the rule be obeyed by all, or get it abolished. It peeves me that its made into a patriotic vs not thing...

This is open and shut for me. Did you sign the contract? Well there ya go!

I have an Air Force sticker on my car. Does that mean I can speed and run red lights because my husband is serving our country? Same token right?

Not wanting a large sign in your neighborhood doesn't make you unpatriotic.... Having a sign doesnt MAKE you patriotic and jumping on the support bandwagon doesn't either..

I haven't read all the reports on this because it does annoy me... Just like I didn't keep up with Casey Anthony because it sickened me..

And I hit the wall...

I knew it was coming... It always come... Today I hit the deployment wall... Its been a down right RAWR of a day... Nothing AWFUL happened... Nothing that cant be fixed but it just hit it down... I honestly want to be in the corner and cry. But tomorrow will be better and I have to be strong for the girls. So many little irritating things today... Sick of waiting on maintenance... post office returned carls cards because I was 5 cents short on postage (so now I have to get all new stamps and envelopes since they stamped these..) the "Free oil change" on base isn't free at all.. I have to buy the oil and the filter?? and I screwed up the checking account...

But tomorrow is a new day and I will be over it... I'm just ready for August... Seriously. The girls have been so sweet.. even with me being crabby. I'm so blessed to be able to give them big hugs and enjoy their humor...

As if I needed another reason to love Disney they posted this on their facebook earlier... Perfect timing... “Dig down deep inside yourself, you’ll find out what you need, blue skies and sunshine guaranteed.” - Mama Odie


Ah life goes on....

Deployment... First Full Day

The day started okay.. Both girls ended up in bed with me over the course of the morning hours. Olivia woke around :820 and woke Rylei soon after. I took a few deep breaths to prepare myself for the day... We all laid in bed for awhile and then Ry stood up and looked out the window.. "Daddys home!!" she shouted.. She had seen his truck in the driveway. "No baby... Daddy flew in an airplane to go fix planes and help people remember? He's deployed hun". She just gave me a confused look at first. "Daddy in airplane. Hes fixing planes." she said. The morning went quickly and easily with several questions about when daddy would be home and a lot of "I miss Daddys". Anyone know how to teach the concept of time to an almost 3 year old? But at least she was okay. At one point she heard a truck fo by and ran to the door saying its daddy.. And another time she head a C-5 fly overhead and said it was daddys plane coming back. Olivia hasnt noticed much.. Think she may notice the lack of his arms though.. I finally got caught up on laundry.. I found a shirt Carl had worn by the clean laundry and it smells just like him... I tucked it into my night stand but I know the smell will quickly fade. Bed time was a little rougher... I gave Ry her old daddy doll which she snuggled.. As I was walking out her room she said "Mommy... I miss Daddy... Can we get him now?" I just smiled and told her good night.. I later found her in my bed in Carls spot... And shes been there every night since.

Now a few days in and were still doing good. Missing Daddy :-) The girls Lola (Carls mom) ordered Ry and new daddy doll since the old one was "Chubby Carl" lol I've been keeping up with my P90X... And I'm not dead yet.. Though we may melt in this heat wave... Its hotter here than where Carl is! Gotta love it...

And so it begins...

For OPSEC reasons this is posted later than I wrote it obviously :-) Gotta keep them all safe


Ahhh the panic ensues as our second deployment has arrived... To be totally honest Ive been blocking out this moment... Outta site, outta mind kinda?? I mean obviously weve talked about it... I went over paperwork... Will... PoA... Copy of his orders all in my lock box for safe keeping... But I haven't thought about the fact that I will be a single mom of TWO far from home this time with no thought of intervention... Sure I have a handful of AMAZING ladies here for me and being key spouse I know who to reach out to if I need help... And I will be fine.. I know... But that initial shock of being alone will hit hard tomorrow as we leave Carl at the squadron... We've been having such an amazing time together... And off he goes.. But its only 4 short months.. Cake right? Our first was 7.. So this leads me to my deployment goals.. I want to give the house a facelift... It still doesn't feel homey to me.. I get to do Ry's birthday party on my own and its going to be AMAZING. I have to start planning Olivia's first birthday party <3.. And Christmas and Halloween and thanksgiving.. lol But I really want to work on ME. I'm starting p90x Monday and I'm GOING to do the whole program.. I want to be in shape... and I WILL be in shape.

Music and Emotion

I dont care who you are music effects you... Music can psych me out for the gym, mellow me out, make me fall all over again, or want to ride around in the sun... But it also makes me sad... Songs always strike a cord... 3 songs come to mind right now...

I was watching videos on youtube of So You Think You Can Dance... (Because 2 nights a week just aren't enough...) While watching my usual favs one came on that always gets me... Not really the dance because I interrupt the song differently... But its a John Mayer song called "Dreaming With a Broken Heart" . I cant listen to that song without crying... I first heard it a while after we lost Kaylei... I honestly try to avoid this song at all cost because there's nothing happy or redeeming about it... It just hammers the fact in that she is gone and I can't be with her... But if I hear a clip of it I have to listen to the whole thing through or I can't rest...

Another song that reminds me of her is "Iris" by Goo Goo Dolls. That song calms me I think... I explained this in my first blog about Kaylei "Thinking of Angels".

"It Won't Be This Way for Long" by Darius Rucker gets me too... Life is just son incredibly short... Everything goes so very fast... It makes me think about how often when times are "rough" and we wish it would go quickly... How often do you wish life and time away? I swear it feels like Olivia was born yesterday and shes already half a year old... All those screaming fits she went though... I won't get those back... (Well maybe I don't want THOSE back...) but shes growing so fast... And so is Rylei... Shes so stinking smart it kills me...

I haven't been sleeping well at all... In Louisiana on vacation I was asleep by midnight every single night. I had no trouble getting to sleep... But now that I'm back home... It was a wake up that life doesn't stop for you... With a fastly approaching deployment and a great friend PCSing shortly its like wow no wonder I can't sleep. Being here makes it all so real. And I'm exploring my emotions more... I know its not healthy or smart but I have always just pushed the unpleasant memories or things I didn't like to the back of my mind and tried to forget... Well now they're all rushing forward... Especially Kaylei... I'm ashamed of myself for not thinking of her each and everyday... But it was to hard and I was to weak. She has been in my mind none stop lately... I really need to explore all these emotions... And ones from when I was a child... Memories of abuse and neglect. God Bless my grandparents for being there to save me... I'm not sure if my blog is the place for them though... The last thing I want is for people to thing I'm writing them for attention or not telling the truth even.. Heh yeah some of it is THAT out there...

But that leads me to another song :-) "Alright"