Maybe its because tomorrow carl is going to a halloween party... alone.. I understand I dont need to be at a party with smoking a drinking.. I think its the fact that 1 he didnt invite me... and 2 he didnt ASK to go... (like if i minded..) he TOLD me he was going to a party friday night... then told me today that he was prolly gunna hang out "for like 30-45 mins" at a friends house saturday night too... Its like wth? I'm the FIRST to admit I AM a clingly wife... I dont like being alone... I dont like DOING thing alone... Hell I dont even like to shower when he isnt home (okay mainly because i'm afraid the baby will wake up and I wont hear her and she will cry and feel abandoned... but thats besides the point). And I'm a very insecure person... I always have been. I'm always afraid that people dont like me or are saying bad things about me. I'm certainly not one of those "I dont give an eff about what people think about me" kinda girls... And with the problems that carl and I have had in the past year... even though I try to trust him.. when hes out I'm nervous... At least at Dyess I knew who he would be out with.. He couldnt do stuff that wouldnt get back to me somehow or another through the gossip... But now... I know no one that he hangs out with here... I will know NO one at this party... and it sucks.. It scares me... And he doesnt understand that... And if I nag or complain it will cause a fight... if he doesnt go.. he will be resentful.. SO once more I bottle it up inside... I'd rather feel hurt alone than rock the boat... Weve had to many storms in the past for me to dwell on something like this... Because lately everything has been GREAT. WE have been great... Dont get me wrong we have our spats as any married couple does but its been happy home again and hes been involved.
But anyway I might have shared a little too much but its my blog and he doesnt read it anyway. And if he does maybe he will get it lol So now I need a pick me up... Well I made little goodie bags for some of Ry's little friends (well the ones that I know where they live..) I'm just going to drop them off at their houses after my nst in the morning then maybe facebook them to make syre they find them haha. Then at 12 I'm going to go to Miikos cosmetology graduation and prolly get my nails done lol Then I need to clean clean clean my house. I think thats another reason Im down. My house is a mess... All the time... And I HATE it.. But I'm too tired most of the time.. But I need to suck it up and do it.. And steam clean my carpets because theyre gross... I want to be a new me.. With a the cutesy house where I'm not terrified that someone will just pop in.. Its going to take work but it will happen... eventually.
L-O-V-E both of your costumes, my daughter recently has become obsessed with Olivia.
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